Be Happy

My friend has been insisting I write here, so here goes:

It really is scary to look at a blank white screen with the cursor blinking ominously. Its telling you your life is a series of blinks - each second counts; and then it doesn't.

Shabri has been agonizing over getting a job there. I have a job here and I am agonizing over getting out of it and into a better one. What does this say about us? Are we fundamentally unhappy people? Or do we get to lay the blame on situations and walk guilt-free?

They say that the only person who can make you happy is YOU. As a bumper sticker it works - it does have truth in it. For the past few weeks, I have been trying to live it , and boy, is it tough!

My mind tells me I am stuck in a shit job with no benefits AFTER getting a world-class degree. I start feeling useless and unappreciated. Tears start rolling. I stop what I am doing and start introspecting. I ask the quintessential question - WHY ME? I get no answer. I cry some more. I think about those less fortunate than me. Those who have a limb less than me. Those who have a meal less than me. I still feel terrible. I tell myself to stop crying. To stop questioning. To start living. I wash my face. I take a deep breath. I smile at myself in the mirror. And I walk out of the restroom back to my office seat. I start writing. I feel happy. My life is in my hands. I can do this. I can change. I will change.

Pause. Rewind. Repeat.